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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28473879">i'd never ask you</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/beesandflowers/pseuds/beesandflowers'>beesandflowers</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Glee</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Background Finchel, F/F, Hurt No Comfort, Late at Night, Love Confessions, New Year's Eve, New Year's Resolutions, New Years, New York City, One Shot, One-Sided Attraction, One-Sided Relationship, Sleepovers, Unrequited Love, it's just pain</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 14:28:25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,875</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28473879</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/beesandflowers/pseuds/beesandflowers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>But he still got Rachel’s "I love you’s" without the addition of platonic undertones. He got her fidelity and shy smiles that show she’s truly in love with him.<br/>And Quinn wanted to be able to accept that, but her heart wanted to be able to hold Rachel like that and wake her up with a soft kiss in order to get that same smile. She wanted to get out of class to a million texts from Rachel followed by a call just so she could say "I love you" to her girlfriend. Quinn wanted that, so much, but she knew Rachel didn’t.</p>
<p>Or</p>
<p>Quinn has some resolutions on New Year's.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Rachel Berry/Quinn Fabray</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>58</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>i'd never ask you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Happy New Year's! Here's some angst inspired by lgbtqteen's unrequited love faberry edit on twitter with Not In That Way by Sam Smith!</p>
<p>Also, find the hidden Taylor Swift lyric reference!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The sounds of car horns and engines lingered in the small bedroom in Rachel’s apartment, followed by echoes of fireworks still going off late in the night. The occasional bark of a dog and hiss of a cat occurred, as well as someone shouting at another person. None of it penetrated Quinn’s thoughts, which were so far gone from reality in the darkness of the room, broken by the palest moonlight. Her ears were trained on Rachel’s soft, sleepy breathing, only letting those occasional noises register within her mind. Her skin only registered the rough fabric of the sweater Rachel wore, and her eyes only picked up the image of Rachel’s face, relaxed and open as she slept. It was as if nothing else existed in the world except for Rachel.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rachel, whose abdomen showed ever so slightly as her sweater raised above her waistline thanks to the girl’s starfished position. The position barely left Quinn space on the bed, not that she minded as she watched Rachel’s eyelashes flutter with her vivid dreams. In the morning, Rachel would tell her all about her nightly adventures, insisting they were some sort of message, and Quinn would smile over her bowl of cereal as the girl rambled before finally asking how Quinn’s night went, to which she would only answer about the brief amount of sleep she did obtain. For now, hours before either of them would consider leaving the bed, long, icy fingers carefully tuck back a strand of brunette hair threatening to disrupt its owner’s peaceful sleep by slipping into her open mouth. The apartment had essentially no heating, causing Quinn’s naturally cold body to enter freezing temperatures in certain parts. Before Rachel fell asleep, she complained that Quinn’s toes were cold and muttered that she should invest in shocks, yet she had still insisted on practically merging with Quinn’s body in the bed. Quinn relished their position in the hour before Rachel began moving in her sleep, kicking the blanket down the bed in a need to cool her body temperature and separating herself from Quinn so as to cover as much bed space as possible.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Quinn’s hazel eyes drifted across a peacefully sleeping face in what most people would joke about as being stalker behavior. They took in every curve and dip in Rachel’s skin, like her nose and lips, as well as the small imperfections Quinn found so endearing, like the scar just below Rachel’s hairline, in the center of her forehead. Rachel had once cheerfully explained to her that she got the scar when she was younger and attempted to recreate Barbra’s roller skating scene in </span>
  <em>
    <span>Funny Girl</span>
  </em>
  <span> despite not being trained to use skates. Normally, the scar would be tucked behind her bangs, for a reason Quinn could never figure out. It wasn’t as though Rachel needed to hide it; she was beautiful with or without it showing. But as she slept, her bangs were twisted into odd positions, leaving the scar on display for Quinn to admire along with the rest of her features.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As if on cue, Rachel’s body trembled and tucked itself back into Quinn. Quinn smiled, it just barely gracing her lips, and pulled the discarded blanket back over the two of them to protect their bodies from the New York cold. Under the blanket, her arm fell over Rachel’s abdomen, intent on keeping her close for the night. Rachel’s head came to rest against her collarbone, and Quinn exhaled slowly. Her eyes turned to the window, glancing at the Moon as if to ask her for strength to last another day. She would be back on the train to Yale in just another week, given the space necessary to keep herself together and her emotions under wraps. It was a New Year. She could do this; she could finally get herself to move on from Rachel Berry.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her eyes closed, and she inhaled deeply and allowed herself to hold Rachel like this, letting herself pretend for just a moment that they were in a perfect universe where she could be Rachel’s, and Rachel could be hers. But then a buzz echoed into the room, prompting Quinn to look at the cheap nightstand next to Rachel’s bed to see a text cursing the screen.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <b>Finn</b>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Happy New Year, Rach. Can’t Wait 2 see u.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Quinn’s chest tightened, and she held Rachel tighter. Why did Finn get to call her his when he was gone, barely bothering to respond to Rachel or message her first? When he had been the first one to drop Rachel at the slightest inconvenience so he could keep his goddamn reputation, or because she was just a little too much for him to handle?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then again, what right did Quinn have to her after everything she did to Rachel in high school?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her breath came out shakily, accompanied by further pain in Quinn’s chest and forming a small cloud in the room. For a moment, she could pretend they had this perfect bubble, but there would always be Finn, who Rachel was foolishly in love with beyond all reason. Finn, who would be inserted into any conversation they had with each other, or other members of the Glee Club, because he was the prized golden boy. And she was the cursed trainwreck that got knocked up at sixteen and had a bad dye job while in the midst of an existential breakdown.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Quinn rolled onto her back, begging for her heart to stop clenching, unclenching, and then clenching again. She begged for her lungs to function and for her tear ducts to control themselves and steaming hot tears forced their way down her cheeks. They could spend their nights like this, tucked close to each other with little room between them, but Rachel would never overthink the way their combined warmth and touching bodies felt. Her head would race with a million thoughts, all surrounding the pounding in her heart and blushing in her cheeks. She wouldn’t feel a tightness in her chest at the mention of Quinn having a lover of her own, and she wouldn’t think to utter </span>
  <em>
    <span>I love you</span>
  </em>
  <span> a thousand times a day, unprompted. She wouldn’t find every little thing Quinn did adorable and have to resist kissing her senseless.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her eyes drifted to Rachel and the hair partially covering her face now, and all Quinn could think of was how badly she just wanted to come clean about it all. How she wanted to tell Rachel </span>
  <em>
    <span>I love you</span>
  </em>
  <span> and hear those words echoed back without the addition of </span>
  <em>
    <span>You’re my best friend, Quinn! </span>
  </em>
  <span>How she wanted to be able to sweep Rachel up into a kiss and give her a classic New York date, just for them to go back home and be able to be absorbed in each other for the rest of the night.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The night became silent, as if to mirror Quinn’s own hollowness. New York never went silent, yet her ears only picked up on Rachel’s steady breathing that left warm pufts against the exposed upper part of Quinn’s chest, which she only wore because she knew sleeping next to Rachel always kept her warm enough to not need longer clothes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She knew so much about Rachel. About living with Rachel in New York. But it was all meaningless to the other girl, who wouldn’t think twice about Quinn routinely getting them coffee, with an extra one for Rachel because one cup just wouldn’t be enough for the tiny girl function. She knew the ins and outs of Rachel’s life here, just from the visits she has made, and Finn doesn’t. Because he dropped her off at an airport and then left for the army without any warning for months.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But he still got Rachel’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>I love you’s </span>
  </em>
  <span>without the addition of platonic undertones. He got her fidelity and shy smiles that show she’s truly in love with him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And Quinn </span>
  <em>
    <span>wanted </span>
  </em>
  <span>to be able to accept that, but her heart wanted to be able to hold Rachel like that and wake her up with a soft kiss in order to get that same smile. She wanted to get out of class to a million texts from Rachel followed by a call just so she could say </span>
  <em>
    <span>I love you</span>
  </em>
  <span> to her girlfriend. Quinn wanted that, so much, but she knew Rachel didn’t.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She stared at the ceiling, her finger gently twirling a soft strand of dark hair. It would have been so simple to leave and free herself of this pain, but she couldn’t lose what she did have of Rachel. She couldn’t lose the smile she did get, or the random letters she sent just to say hello to Quinn, even though they texted and emailed each other as well. She didn’t want to miss any of Rachel’s performances, on Broadway or in a small diner people couldn’t care less about. Because Rachel’s happiness overshadowed her emptiness most days, when she didn’t have time to focus on the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Finn </span>
  </em>
  <span>part of the equation. When it’s just her and Rachel, and there were no other feelings or worries beyond them just being Quinn and Rachel.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>For just a little while longer, she wanted to pretend there was nothing else to think about. No lingering questions keeping her up at 2AM about who Rachel loved.They were friends, and that should be enough. Because her friendship with Rachel, where she laid in the dark with Rachel tucked into her body, was better than the alternative of dealing with the rejection because Rachel could never feel the same way about Quinn.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I love you,” Quinn whispered into the quiet darkness, a single tear trailing down her cheek again. She could have that. The quiet, unheard admissions in the dead of night where Rachel would never know. She could have her stolen glances and friendly hand holds, hugs, and kisses. She’d be fine with those, for now.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I love you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The trail on her cheek became flooded, but her throat remained empty of any noises related to her tears. That came from years of practice, and in the dead silence of Rachel’s apartment on New Year’s, she found herself more grateful for the practice than anything else.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I love you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She’d never ask Rachel for a response, or to choose between her and Finn. She knows where that question would lead, and that thought was more painful than any aches she could possibly have in her chest.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“I love you.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A car honked in the distance, and Quinn sighed. The world started up again. She looked at Rachel, still gracefully asleep, and smiled. Rachel would always be her better half. That meant Rachel could never know and never be put in the hard position of possibly losing her best friend. Quinn’s fingers gently combed through her hair, and her lips brushed against Rachel’s forehead. She rolled back onto her side, held Rachel close, and let herself fall asleep to the sound of Rachel’s breathing.</span>
</p>
<p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Rach,</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Went to get breakfast and coffee. Be back soon. Happy New Year, I look forward to hearing all about your resolutions when I get back, since you’ll be the only person to actually do them.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Love,</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Q</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>In case you can't tell... Quinn definitely won't be going through with any resolutions.</p>
<p>Send me love on twt at @skanksagron!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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